Saudade

in the sunless weather

of the freezing winds,

i see the fainted clouds

that reverberate some caresses

of your hands on my back

in the form of constellations.
i look up, gaze for some nanoseconds,

and i see, the stars,

and i realize that,

how stellar distances apart we are.

and i, unknowingly wonder you speaking to me

that these glimpses,

of the caresses

are only a mark of the past

measured in light years.
i never knew

about light years

only after you’ve told me

that they are used to measure

light travelling in vacuum in one year.

you, you are my light.

and i miss you each day, 

in a regular pattern of

three hundred and sixty five or sixty six days.
my bones

radiate starlight

and it feels like

the universe, you – my universe,

has collapsed somewhere deep in them.
i remember

the taste of those tinted lips

which smelled of psychedelic smoke

that made me nostalgic

of a love that wasn’t meant for me, but happened to me.
the phosphorescence of the silver light

wrapped me in its breath,

and somewhere i heard

a voice, your voice my forgotten love,

that made my ears numb,

my mouth silenced,

my body trembling,

and my heart stuffed

with an unknown, strong desire, a known longing,

and an image of arms in arms,

and an irresistible anxiety to be again in those arms.
the wordless feeling,

that felt upon my unstable mind,

made me reminisce

of the persistent memories

of a forgotten love,

a love that remained in my heart,

in the form of,

nostalgia;

that i saw in stars, sky, silence, and skins.
//saudade//
-Aayushi

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saudade : (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”.

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Stay: a lie!

i wonder

what if i’ll stay like this forever;

lost in love and sadness.

i look at the dark sky

and feel the electric rays of the stars

in my deadly breathing veins.

my heart,

does pounds at the thought

of catching a glimpse

of your bright brown eyes

in the sky

and it makes me shine

just for a nanosecond

amidst all the gloom in my glazed eyes.

i start memorizing about you,

your smile,

the way they shined looking at me. yet, the shine didn’t stay.

your hands,

the way they filled the gaps between my fingers. yet, it didn’t stay.

your arms,

they way they wrapped me comfortably in them. yet, the warmth didn’t stay.

and, in the end, all i recollect is,

this is all the cause of my sadness,

your ephemeral glimpses;

as all that was meant to stay, didn’t stay.

Hollowness

​you know

it’s a hollow feeling

whenever i see your face

in the shape of the clouds

it takes me back

and spills the memories

like on a white sheet of paper

marking all the universes

we built under the darkness.
i hear the echoes

taking me back

to the autumnal breezes

and summer sunshines.

i find solace

which puddles on my heart

like breaths escaping from my lungs

leaving me numb and undone.
now, i stare at the horizon

and i see you

fading away in the velvet sky

and you keep your eyes away

overcasting your wordlessness.
i wear oblivion

on my skin

and bid you goodbye

from a distance

and watch you go silently

without a hold of brokenness

marked on your face.
i close my eyes

and rhyme a chime

of bliss and gloom

and i let the lyrics

blow away

along with the memories

we created this day.
it goes, it goes, it goes

and i turn around

with a peaceful heart

looking at the other side

of the clouds

and i hear the voices of the night

calling me back home.

and i wish,

to let everything

become  a dream

once again

which i decide to leave,

wrapped and never touched again.

-Aayushi 

Seasons

there’s hurt 

then there’s healing

lingering on my mind

like the unheard rhymes

of the summer sunshine.
flowers grow inside my heart

orchid and lilies

which smell of the velvet melancholies

of the yellow autumns,

crimson springs

and white winters.
i reminisce the walls

of our dark room

which has spaces

filled with our breaths

and snyc of our beats.
i miss the morning sun

the late winters moon

the fragile leaves of autumn

and the reddened petals of the spring

which faded away this year

like the ephemeral monsoons.
i miss you,

with each passing season,

we made love in,

we made memories in.

Aayushi

And i stand here for you..

And I                         

Stand here for you 

Among the fog and mists.
To see

How you faded away

Like a smoke in air.
I tried

I kept wandering everywhere

To find a clue of you.
But I

Failed to find you

Little did I ever knew
That you

Were dying each day

Out of alcohol and weeds.
The pain

Kept upraising each minute

The screams kept upraising each second.
I feel

More weaker than ever

To see your side unknown.
With a

Lost love and breathe

You lived like a corpse.
With all

the hurt and pain

Kept caged in your heart.
You left

With no sign of

Grief and helplessness for me.

THINGS I’ll never understand. 

There are some things that I’ll never understand like the desire to meet strangers, the desire to stay away from the knowns. The desire to stay happy but couldn’t be as the fear haunts me that what if something bad happens next. The desire to never miss the sunset. The desire to be deaf when the dark screams aloud at night. The desire to find love desperately plus the desire to stay away from love too as I fear to bear the fallacies. The curiosity to know, ‘what will happen next’, so that I can plan things further to be good but also want to live life with all its ups and downs and happy and sad’.

‘Some things are not always things.’  They leave you with an ephemeral attachment with curiosity, that you’ll never understand.